


Red River

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Episode Related, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Season/Series 02, Short, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-01
Updated: 2008-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: “Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.”Warnings: Major Character Death, Suicide, Un-beat’ed





	Red River

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

He watched the thrust, thrusting into another’s body until the hazel eyes looked up and met his head-on, their message was clear, ‘this is how I‘m always going to act, you don’t deserve better’ and Justin got it. The blond walked blindly away from the sight, he stumbled slightly with every step but his feet kept moving further away from the source of the pain.

Justin was almost to the door when he was intercepted by Ethan. The pain he felt was so great he just allowed the other man to say whatever he wished and when the violin player kissed him he still didn’t really respond. The blond tried his best to play his part in front of everyone but inside all he could feel was an all encompassing shattering.

When the darker man looked over the blond’s shoulder Justin knew what he would find when he turned around and knew how painful it would be to see the older man but still he turned. As soon as his eyes hit Brian, the shattering inside him literally had a sound and it downed out the pulsating music of Babylon. And as Brian removed his ‘Rage’ mask the younger man knew what he was saying, ‘you love me and you can stay if you give up this boy and let me treat you like you mean nothing forever’.

The trouble was Justin knew he was nothing and he didn’t have the strength to do it anymore, any of it. So he turned away from the love of his life and walked out the door with the musician who truthfully annoyed and somewhat disgusted him.

Once outside though, a few words to Ethan, spoken in a monotone voice sent the other man away, leaving Justin alone to go about his business. The blond wandered slowly to a park he went to sometimes and sat at the edge of the river that ran through it.

Seated Indian-style Justin pulled his omnipresent backpack around in front of him and pulled out his art supply case. Instead of sorting through it, the blond dumped the whole thing on the ground and shoved things aside until he found what he was looking for. As soon as he found it, he pushed the rest of the stuff away from him, not noticing where it all fell.

For a few seconds Justin turned the object over in his hands without even noticing he was doing it until he saw a tiny bead of moisture fall on his hand. He wiped it off only to have it replaced by another and he repeated the process a couple of times before he realized that they were tears falling with abandonment down his face.

The blond was sick of being in pain, physical and mental, all the time and he now not only had the means but also the will to put a stop to it. Justin reached forward, pulled the cap off the x-acto knife, and slightly pressed the pad of his thumb against the razor sharp blade. 

The blade made a slight cut in his thumb and the young man hissed but welcomed the pain, as he knew it would get worse very quickly. Justin took the knife in his left hand, not wanting the shaking that happened in his right to mess things up and then he pulled up his shirt sleeve and he laid his right hand across his lap. Justin looked at the bare expanse of skin for a second before quickly bringing the razor sharp knife over his skin and making a deep cut from about halfway up to his elbow down to his wrist.

The cut was deep and the blood started rushing out of it before he had even finished the cut. As soon as he had finished the slice he dropped the knife, the pain so intense he wanted nothing more than to pull his arm to his body and try to stop the blood flow.

He didn’t though, he just sat there with it across his lap and watched as the blood flowed over his arm, staining his pale skin and then poured over onto his jeans, soaking them as well. The pain was intense and within what seemed like moments he started to feel drunk and a coldness was seeping into his very being.

Justin looked up at the water as he had done all the other times coming here and contemplating. He had always come here when things between him and Brian got hard and he didn’t know how to go on and it only seemed right that he came here when it was time to give up as well. Justin wanted nothing more than to be in Brian’s arms again but seeing as he couldn’t have that he figured the comforting arms of the river would have to do.

The blond stumbled up, the drunk feeling having intensified in the last couple minutes and when he got to his feet a glance down showed him his jeans, now so soaked in blood the blue was scarce, instead coved by red. Justin stumbled, weaving his way to the river. He was cold and hoped the water would warm him up.

Once he got to the water’s edge he didn’t pause, he just walked right into the water. The deeper he got the harder to was to keep going but he just continued forward, his eyes on the water around him as it turned color with his blood. He was a little above his waist when the world turned black and his body fell forward in the water, although the blond would ever know that.

 

“Suicide is not chosen;   
it happens  
when pain exceeds   
resources for coping with pain.” 


End file.
